She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
