I have demons in me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize