Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize