idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
