im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
