I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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