What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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