I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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