Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
