You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
