I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
