fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
