We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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