she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize