I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
