I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I need a beard to bite.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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