first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
