I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
