I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize