why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
