guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
