I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize