I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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