She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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