I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
