I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
