Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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