I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
