So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
