Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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