look no pants
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
