Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
