Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
