I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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