I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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