I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
