My liver just broke up with me...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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