i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
