Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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