we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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