listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
