i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Text me some of your sweat
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
