Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
