So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
