Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
