K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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