why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
