Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
