And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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