Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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