____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize