Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize