I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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