so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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