Your tits are I can't wait for
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
