ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
