1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
