duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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