I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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