From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
