My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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