you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
