the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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