Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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