I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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