I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
