why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
