i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
